My Writing Pet Peeve – Other People

I am posting this as part of the Larysia Writes Bloghop, and I would like thank talented science fiction author and short story wizard Richard Gibney for inviting me on the train.

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My Writing Pet Peeve is: Other People

Yes, you know you who you are. You who wait until the exact moment Windows has stopped installing unwanted updates to call me with your words and expect me to say words in return. And I might as well answer at that point because in the unlikely event that I had a flow of ideas, it has already been interrupted by the shrill squeak of Angus & the Elevator Magnets, which seemed so amusing when I chose it as my ringtone.

Then just as the inciting event is leading my protagonist into a unique personal crisis that might finally explain what this heap of words I have been gluing together for seven years is actually about, you ring the doorbell.

Why would you ring the doorbell? Why would anyone ring a doorbell nowadays? Unless you’re delivering food. And you never are delivering food, are you? No, you want me to switch to your electricity or broadband or religion or whatever you’re offering that’s exactly the same as what I already have. A pizza would have been nice. Just a small one. A margarita. And none of those stuffed crusts. They’re just weird.

And when the book is finally mauled into shape, it’s not enough, is it? One might think you would just buy the damn thing and read it and maybe leave a stellar little review somewhere. But no, you expect me to talk to you about it. Not just one of you, in a quick text message maybe or even a tweet. No, that’s not enough is it. I’m supposed to travel hundreds of miles to bookshops and oil rigs and nuclear bunkers and talk to you and all your friends and some people you once met at a tai chi demonstration.

I’m supposed to tell you what’s in the book even though you COULD just read it and find out that way. And face it, the reason I became a writer is because I am no good at talking. At all. Especially in front of a room full of people. I clam up.  My brain stops working, and my mouth starts firing out meaningless disassociated words, like Donald Trump during a presidential debate (although hopefully without the misogyny, racism, or megalomania). I drool. Eventually, I just collapse in a jellylike heap on the floor.

Would you buy a book written by a heap of jelly? I don’t think so. So take my advice, send me a text message instead.

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The bloghop continues with Lynn Lamb, the bestselling author of the post-apocalyptic Survivor Diaries Series, Opus of the Dead Series, Mechaniclism, and The Oxymoron of Still Life. She is also an independent filmmaker, graphic designer, and scriptwriter. The explosive Survivor Diaries, the chilling Mechaniclism, and the terrifying Lullaby of the Dead, have made a big bang and a scream on the literary scene. Grab these titles, and don’t miss out on this chart-topping author!

Amazon Author Page: www.amazon.com/author/lynnlamb
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